The Grand Strand is so popular that we now have creatures visiting us from other planets.
The Sun News reported Oct. 30 that “mysterious lights” have been seen along the strand since the 1930s, and that one of the more recent sightings, which was recorded on video and posted on YouTube, occurred off the Myrtle Beach coast on Sept. 13, 2012.
Out of this world! That one percent sales tax implemented in 2009 by the Myrtle Beach city council to raise money for out-of-market tourism must really be working. Not for me, of course. Those of us living here have to pay that one percent year round. Oh, sure. Locals often get restaurant and attraction discounts with identification. Never mind the fact that many of those eateries and tourist traps are overpriced to begin with. Never mind the fact that we have council persons with business interests. With connections to the chamber of commerce. Robbing from the poor to accommodate the rich. The money goes around in circles while my homies and I are never passed any stuffed envelopes (metaphorically speaking, I hope). Cue the X-Files theme.
As a longtime fan of Chris Carter’s fantastic science fiction show — especially of Fox “Spooky” Mulder — I had to investigate this UFO phenomenon. First, I noted that there was an air force base in Myrtle Beach up until 1993. Aircraft from the installation flew training missions over the ocean, firing large caliber guns and releasing flares all the time. Shaw Air Force Base is a John Elway stones throw away from here in Sumter. They may very well do the same to this day. United States Coast Guard helicopters fly over Neptune’s realm all the time. Military aircraft account for many of the above mentioned sightings of UFOs and mysterious lights reported here.
In writing this piece, I’m not making fun of the many people who swear that they’ve seen UFOs along the Grand Strand. I know there our other life forms on planets across our solar system. I believe there is some evidence of them being here long ago. Some of the structures built by ancient civilizations across the globe might very well fall into that category. A lot of the stone cutting is eerily precise. The ancient gold-aircraft amulets and pendants found in Central America and South America have to raise the eyebrows of the skeptics among us. Yes, there are other life forms out there in our universe. The question is: can they traverse the vast distances to get here? I’m like Mulder. I want to believe. When I see a flying saucer, a foo fighter, I’ll believe they made it. Back to my investigation.
Trying desperately to put myself in the shoes of my hero, Spooky Mulder, I surfed over to the YouTube video that the Sun News had suggested for public viewing. After recoiling from the persistent, offensive language of the young girls who posted the video, I noted that the unidentified flying objects were flares. The product of military training exercises.
Then, as Fox would have done, I returned to the “news” article, which actually quoted the director of the National UFO Reporting Center near Seattle, Washington. That’s like asking members of a church choir if they believe in God.
One would think that local media outlets would have more important issues to write about; like the big empty lot on which the former Myrtle Square Mall once stood — back in 2006. But noooooo! As the late, great John Belushi lamented on Saturday Night Live.
Why should anyone care about a weed-infested, garbage-strewn lot that’s seldomly used? On land across the street from our glorious convention center. That parking lot is an eyesore that tourists have been gawking at from Highway 17 for seven years. They ask me about it all the time on the beach.
As I’ve stated before, our elected officials have been eerily quiet about this issue for a long while. I’m guessing that the mayor and city council and Burroughs $ Chapin think a casino would look good there.
I’m calling Agent Scully.