Posted by: dharmabeachbum | November 1, 2012

Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent…

The Grand Strand is so popular that we now have creatures visiting us from other planets.

The Sun News reported Oct. 30 that “mysterious lights” have been seen along the strand since the 1930s, and that one of the more recent sightings, which was recorded on video and posted on YouTube, occurred off the Myrtle Beach coast on Sept. 13, 2012.

Out of this world! That one percent sales tax implemented in 2009 by the Myrtle Beach city council to raise money for out-of-market tourism must really be working. Not for me, of course. Those of us living here have to pay that one percent year round. Oh, sure. Locals often get restaurant and attraction discounts with identification. Never mind the fact that many of those eateries and tourist traps are overpriced to begin with. Never mind the fact that we have council persons with business interests. With connections to the chamber of commerce. Robbing from the poor to accommodate the rich. The money goes around in circles while my homies and I are never passed any stuffed envelopes (metaphorically speaking, I hope). Cue the X-Files theme.

Well played, David Duchovny (aka) Spooky Mulder. Well played.

As a longtime fan of Chris Carter’s fantastic science fiction show — especially of Fox “Spooky” Mulder — I had to investigate this UFO phenomenon. First, I noted that there was an air force base in Myrtle Beach up until 1993. Aircraft from the installation flew training missions over the ocean, firing large caliber guns and releasing flares all the time. Shaw Air Force Base is a John Elway stones throw away from here in Sumter. They may very well do the same to this day. United States Coast Guard helicopters fly over Neptune’s realm all the time. Military aircraft account for many of the above mentioned sightings of UFOs and mysterious lights reported here.

In writing this piece, I’m not making fun of the many people who swear that they’ve seen UFOs along the Grand Strand. I know there our other life forms on planets across our solar system. I believe there is some evidence of them being here long ago. Some of the structures built by ancient civilizations across the globe might very well fall into that category. A lot of the stone cutting is eerily precise. The ancient gold-aircraft amulets and pendants found in Central America and South America have to raise the eyebrows of the skeptics among us. Yes, there are other life forms out there in our universe. The question is: can they traverse the vast distances to get here? I’m like Mulder. I want to believe. When I see a flying saucer, a foo fighter, I’ll believe they made it. Back to my investigation.

Trying desperately to put myself in the shoes of my hero, Spooky Mulder, I surfed over to the YouTube video that the Sun News had suggested for public viewing. After recoiling from the persistent, offensive language of the young girls who posted the video, I noted that the unidentified flying objects were flares. The product of military training exercises.

Then, as Fox would have done, I returned to the “news” article, which actually quoted the director of the National UFO Reporting Center near Seattle, Washington. That’s like asking members of a church choir if they believe in God.

One would think that local media outlets would have more important issues to write about; like the big empty lot on which the former Myrtle Square Mall once stood — back in 2006. But noooooo! As the late, great John Belushi lamented on Saturday Night Live.

Why should anyone care about a weed-infested, garbage-strewn lot that’s seldomly used? On land across the street from our glorious convention center. That parking lot is an eyesore that tourists have been gawking at from Highway 17 for seven years. They ask me about it all the time on the beach.

As I’ve stated before, our elected officials have been eerily quiet about this issue for a long while. I’m guessing that the mayor and city council and Burroughs $ Chapin think a casino would look good there.

I’m calling Agent Scully.



  1. Never in a million years would I have thought that a casino would be built in MB. SC is the most conservative state in the US and MB is touted as the family destination for vacation. WTH? Are the rumors still swirling? They thought that Mother Fletcher’s, the Freaky Tiki and the Pavilion attracted the criminals so they tore them down. Maybe they just want better dressed crooks, pimps and pushers.

    • I know, Cindy, but I think that’s exactly what these fools are waiting for. Once I moved here, I learned a lot about the politics. They’re a joke. The good ol’ boy network is alive and well, and they’re already coming after me. Oh, well. The beach bum abides.

    • BTW, your comment about crooks, pimps and pushers, et. al. is very funny. The chamber of commerce want you to believe this is a family destination, but we all know better. Or do we? A year or two ago, and I’m not kidding, they actually discussed trying to keep the crime stats away from the tourists. As a writer, I would be irresponsible if I didn’t report on it. Don’t look for it in the Sun News, though. I think there are a few good ol’ boys running that eye chart.

  2. I know there is a good ole boy network there. I was talking to a friend of ours that owns one of the beach services and we said that we wanted to live in Pine Lakes and he said in his southern drawl…”Well you know, ya’ll aren’t from here and they might not sell to you.” Of course I saw red…red lining that is. Donald Trump and his hair have no business there, but when he shows up, I know something is up. He just bought the country club down the street from us and wants the street named after him. The residents are up in arms about it. I think the Sun News focuses on the petty crap that goes on at the Sea Gypsy more than anything else. A diversion of sorts….

    • Agreed. The Sun News does focus on the petty crap, and there is no doubt in my mind that the large real estate company that I write about pulls some strings there. I tried writing a letter to the editor about them two years ago, and the Sun News never printed it. I know some people that live in Pine Lakes. I think you would fit in fine. The Boggs own local greenhouses. Really nice people. But there are definite prejudices against people who aren’t “from here.” I’ve dealt with them quite a bit. Move down. It’s fun being a thorn in their sides.

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